These past couple of days have been a little rough. Okay, I know, what a sad, depressing way to start an email. But do you want the truth, or do you want sunshine and daises for every week of the 18 months that I am out in the field?
It's been hard because I am so frustrated that I can't speak the language. I know that every new missionary says this and it shouldn't be surprising because I've only been here for two weeks, but...WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER?!??! When does the language come? There is so much I want to tell my investigators that I know I'd be able to in English, but when I want to in Tagalog, it always comes out choppy. Sometimes I'm not sure if I want to just remain silent and let Sis. Lockwood do all the talking instead. All I can do fluently is to bear my testimony. Is that enough?
I keep thinking about what President Ostler told me - that although I may not be able to speak the language well, I brought with me here to Palawan a different gift. Maybe not the gift of the language, per say, but... the gift of love. He told me that I bring with me the gift of love.
With everyone that we have met with and taught, I always smile. I smile so much. I try to love. I try to ask the usual questions, "How are you?" (Kumusta po kayo?) or "How was your day?" (Kumusta po ang araw nyo?). I try to tell them that we love them and that God loves them. I try everyday to love these people. And it works. I do love them. I love them greater and greater each day. I guess the reason why I want to be good at the language is because I love hem. I want them to understand me. I want them to understand what I believe in, to understand what I want to share with them. And I can't help but feel really useless sometimes when I can't say what I want to say.
It is frustrating. I won't lie. I've been trying really hard to be in better spirits.
And while I'm still working at it- here's the solution I've found.
To work.
Said President Hinckley, "The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best medicine for depression is service. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired."
I am trying so hard to lose myself in the work. It is not easy. But I know that if I keep trying, I will be able to do it.
ANYWAYS. ON A HAPPIER NOTE- here are some interesting things from this past week!
1) First tropical storm that I've experienced here passed by on Friday! My shoes were so dirty but it's okay because I bought super cheap rubber shoes to wear that I don't mind getting all muddy. It was AN ADVENTURE! Imagine Sister Lockwood and I- two foreigners, 19 and 20 years old, trekking through the jungles of Palawan in the rain. Made for a really good memory :)
2) Mormon missionaries meet Baptist missionaries- AWKWARD! We were on our way to an investigator's home-well, actually we were just right outside, and someone comes out and says, "Sorry, she can't meet with you now. The Baptist missionaries are here." HAHA. That amused me :)
3) My belief in angels exponentially increased this past week. Long story, but it'll be enough for me to say that S. Lockwood met an older lady with the surname Tau-Tau, and a week later we BOTH meet a younger lady named Tau-Tau who says that SHE is the ONLY Mrs. Tau-Tau around. But the cool thing is that the OLDER lady that S. Lockwood had met had TOLD her to come back again! And when we did, we found out that only a younger Tau-Tau exists? What! Angels are real. S.Lockwood talked with that older Tau-Tau. I KNOW that she led us to the younger Tau-Tau.
The life of a 19-year-old missionary is interesting. As hard as it is right now, I don't think that there is anywhere else I'd rather be. By the end of the 18 months, by the time April 2016 comes by, I hope to say:
"Wow, what a ride."
I pray for you all everyday. I love you all so much.
CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!! DONT FORGET THAT WE WILL GET TO SKYPE EACH OTHER!!!!!
With love,
Sister Kimberly Teo
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